The First Post Challenge

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So, this morning I was nominated by the lovely lady at A Caffeinated Blog to do the First Post Challenge! Thank you so much!

The rules:

  • link your first post
  • name the type of the post
  • explain why this was your first post (reason for writing)
  • nominate fellow bloggers to participate in the challenge

I am just going to copy and paste my first post.

It’s my first post, yay!  I guess I should start with what possessed me to do this and what this blog will be about and what not.  The other day I was sitting with my godmother at the kitchen table when she made the remark that I should make a blog.  Truth be told, I have made several blogs.  Just like millions of other people on this Earth, I never kept up with them.  Quite frankly though, a blog sounded like a good idea; it would keep me on top of my writing and I could shamelessly plug the articles for my job.  But what to write about?

Well, my favorite thing in the world is actually a person. Tee Hee. ^_^   I was also inspired by another blog that I follow called A Diary of Dating (http://howitwassupposedtobe.wordpress.com/).  This wonderfully written blog is about a young woman that has been chronicling her love/dating life in hopes of one day meeting her future husband.  So I got to thinking; Hmmm, I believe I already found mine.  I could write all about our exploits together up till our wedding day and then I could start a whole new blog about our married life and why I had to explain to his mom why I hit him with that frying pan.  I know what you’re thinking now.  Well, what if we break up?  I can always trash this blog and start a new one. ^-^

I’ll probably post up some other things about my life too.  These things will probably include my life as a college student since my graduation comes in May.  Then hopefully, I’ll get into grad school and I can write on that misery.  I write articles for a magazine in my spare time and I’ll post up links to that when I can.  I might even post up some of my own written works.

Now a little bit about myself, I am in a wheelchair with a condition known as Cerebral Palsy.  And yes, it does affect the brain.  But in my case, it only affects the part of my brain that enables me to walk on my own.  I’m a writer, so naturally I’m also English major.  I love 90s alternative and grunge.  I did steal the title of my blog from an Everclear song.

Well that’s all for now.  I know I should have probably started this blog with how I met my future hubby.  But that will come at a later date.  I need to get this blog looking better.  My man will also have to keep me in line on updating this thing as well.

This was actually re-posted from my original blogs on Blogger and Tumblr. But I just couldn’t get the readers I wanted on either site. So, I moved to WordPress and never looked back! It was basically just introducing myself and why I chose t start a blog.

Now I nominate:

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Living the Dream, Well, Sort Of

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I’ve lived a very sheltered life because of my disability. You know how dads are. Very protective of their little girls. Because of this, while I was in college, I had always lived with my grandmother (who was pretty much my mother since my biological one was M.I.A.). Well, if you’ve read a earlier post I had written on my departure from graduate school, you’d know that was no longer the case.

I imagine my sheltered lifestyle was the reason for some of my more favorite reading choices. I really enjoy books where teenagers went off on their own and had adventures in parties, dating, and drugs. (Though I would not really dabble much with the last. But I got a taste of what it’s like by dating someone who did.) Or biographies of my favorite musicians who had to struggle at one point with different jobs and homes.

One of them that comes to mind is the Kurt Cobain biography I own, Heavier than Heaven. I always wished that I can go off on my own like him and struggle a bit to find my place. Of course, I think jobs were easier to come by then, as I am still looking. However, I am turning in an application tomorrow that looks promising.

I’m still living in someone else’s house (my fiance’s parents’), but they do offer a lot more freedom and less stress. But it is still an adventure by being able to come and go as I please. They even throw quite a lot of shindigs themselves.

So, I can honestly say that I am kind of living the dream of finding my way on my own. Though, my need to feel productive makes me crave a job, Therefore, I hope I get hired soon, so this depression will disappear.

Though there is a bit of trouble in paradise with my fiance and I. I find myself missing the very man I mentioned in this post. I heard through the grapevine that he had been asking about me. He was my first love and my first dabble with more experienced activities…

Really, the confession of something like this is grounds for a separation for most. But my fiance certainly does love me, as he will do anything do work this out. Even as far as saying that he has me and my ex doesn’t. So, as long as he has me, it doesn’t matter if I pine. It really makes me feel like a bitch.

A Letter to No One

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Today is the day of my future sister-in-law’s high school graduation. Even though I am very happy and excited for her, I have to put my brave face on and wear a mask of false pretenses. I realize I am escaping to my own blog and various books for my own solace and honesty. But the truth of the matter is that I am quite unhappy.

I look on my facebook and I see my peers that have successfully finished out the semester or have finally obtained that degree and I think to myself, “Are you stupid? Why couldn’t you hack it?” The truth still is that I don’t want to return, but did I have any business being there at all?

What I really want is to get a job and start saving with my fiance for a place and our wedding. But it has been two weeks and I haven’t heard back from any of the many, many applications I have submitted. My fiance got a callback, filled out all the paperwork, and it has been a week and he still hasn’t been called in. However, he is very confident since he has worked for this company before and they were very pleased to have him back. I wish I could have such a nice disposition as he has, but my confidence is waning and I find myself retreating to a darker place.

Even though I have decided to stay with my fiance, I miss my grandmother, father, and dog (who has been put down) terribly. I don’t want to return home because I already changed my address and starting getting my disability services switched over, and I just don’t want to be pressured to go back to school or see the disappointment I may have caused.

But what right do I have to inconvenience these people who have been so kind to me for the past three years? I know they have said that they were happy to have me, but I know I have disrupted my fiance’s family’s lives. I’m dreading when a disability worker starts coming. I’m sure they are not looking forward to a stranger entering their home.

Looking down at my engagement ring is starting to make me sick as I feel like I don’t deserve it. Not his love, kindness, or the same from his family. The only solace I have is in my ever expanding reading list.

I Had A Dream Last Night…

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Ugh. I don’t think last night went so well. I had to give an oral presentation and I am a horrible public speaker. I’m dreading tomorrow. She told me she would have my grade by then. I’m praying that my grade won’t suffer too much.

Despite that, as I slept later that night, I had a wonderful dream. A dream I think speaks volumes about what is going on with me. In my dream, I’m standing by my department building (for some reason sometimes I am not wheelchair bound in my dreams). I’m waiting for my fiance and minutes pass and other people leave. Then finally he arrives, spins me around in his arms, and for some reason “I Don’t Want to Wait” by Paula Cole starts playing. I think that’s just because I like Dawson’s Creek waaay too much. But yeah, that’s it.

I know it sounds really silly and cheesy, especially with the music. But I think my self-conscious is just telling me, “Hey, the reason you’re so depressed is because you’re tired of the academic life and you’re ready to get married.”

I know the fact that I failed comps is another big part of it and my academic confidence is low. But I’ve also been in college since 2008 and never had any breaks since then. I haven’t stopped with school yet. Went straight from high school to college. I guess I’m just ready for my next big adventure and I’m obviously tired of being apart from fiance. I have to keep pushing through, I’m almost done.

True to my 90s nature, I’ll leave you with a song that this experience made me think of. This is “Whatever” (I Had A Dream Last Night) by the Butthole Surfers. This was off of the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack.

Dreamweaver

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I studied for three hours today. I studied for seven yesterday. I’m exhausted and I still do not feel confident.

But I wanted to ask my followers a question. I don’t know how many of you read this post from a while back, but in my creative writing class last semester, I wrote a short story about my fiance and I called Dreamweaver. If you read my post from a couple of days ago, it deals with the cancer scare I had. Would anyone like me to post a snippet of it?

Also, I found this on PostSecret today and I wish it was my secret.

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It’s Coming…

My COMPs exam is on Monday. I studied all day, but I’m freaking out. I plan to study tomorrow as well. I’ve been preparing for two months, but I don’t feel confident. However, this is pretty typical with me. This exam determines whether I graduate or not.

When I’m not studying, doing homework, or updating this blog, I’m reading. Reading is a small comfort for me. Right now, I’m working on Fear and Laundry 2. It’s my only enjoyment these days. I’ve still been mopey about my fiance not being able to be with me. But he should be coming over this coming weekend, so there’s that to look forward to. I know that these things aren’t really big deals. But after being with him for nearly three years, I’m ready to actually be with him.

As I’m writing this I’m munching on a Snickers candy bar. It goes against my plan to lose weight and I was supposed to save it till after the exam, but I just felt like I needed a little chocolate. I only feel a little guilty.

I know I’m late on this bandwagon, but I’ve been thinking about New Year Resolutions. I’ve made 3:

1. Lose some weight

2. Update journal frequently

3. Update blog frequently

Thanks for reading my little musings. I know I’ll feel better once this is all over. A friend is coming to visit me tomorrow, maybe that will perk me up.

I’ve been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks…..

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I haven’t done a personal blog post in a while. So, here I am. Today, was my first day back on campus. I put on a new grunge style baby doll dress that a friend of mine gave me. It’s the real thing too. She bought it in 1992. It’s white with a floral print and ties in the back. I paired it up with some knee high black boots, foundation, and rum raisin lipstick. My black tattoo choker necklace just came in today, so I have that now too.

The class I had today was Gender Studies in American Cinema. It’s taught by my favorite professor and I haven’t taken a class with him in a while. I couldn’t really enjoy it though. I’ve been depressed for days over my upcoming comps exam and the fact that I’m still not living with my fiance.

Yeah, I neglected to tell you guys that. That boyfriend I’ve been writing about proposed to me over my winter break. I didn’t say anything because the ring was too small and we had to send it back. The jewelers are making us a new set at a great deal! It was custom made for me.

I’m ecstatic about my engagement, but I’m melancholy because we’re still not living together and there’s really nothing we can do about it now. But trust me, he’s worth it. It’s been nearly three years and I still get the excitement in my chest. I don’t care how sad I get…it is all worth it.

I’ll let you guys in on a little secret.

In October, I had a cancer scare. You can imagine how devastated I felt. The first thing I thought was: Great, cerebral palsy and cancer. There’s no way he is going to stick around. Don’t worry, no cancer. But I was wrong about him. He brought me to all my appointments and on the morning of the screening he brought me to the hospital, helped me into the gown, and brought my socks and stuffed bunny.. After I woke up (they had to put me to sleep because I was scared out of mind), He brought me to the mall, made me lunch, and watched a movie with me all before he had to go to work. When he had leave, I was in tears. I couldn’t believe that such a wonderful person exists. I couldn’t fathom that he had done all that for me. And I didn’t want him to leave..

I’m going to marry him. He is going to be my husband.

I am not a highly religious person. But I thank God for this man at least once every day. This distance is killing me. I’m sorry this post is brief I have a monster headache.
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A Review of Elizabeth Myles’s Fear and Laundry

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I’m taking a break from my “1001 books to read before you die” list in order to read a bit more of what I call “comfort” reading. Comfort reading, in my own definition, is lighter books that allow me a chance to escape from every day stresses. Since this is my last night of winter break and I take a big exam that will decide my fate in 6 days, any spare time has been dedicated to any comforts I can get.

I first read Fear and Laundry back in 2012 and I loved it. Mostly because I grew up during the 90s and I like to believe that I’m still there. My wardrobe consists of lots of grungy baby doll dresses and band shirts. Anyway, I still enjoyed it, but I lowered it down to 3 stars after giving it a second read.

I liked the fact that it was a fast read, but the chapters were a little too short for me at times. The version I read was the upgraded version. But the version I read in 2012 didn’t seem as choppy. However, my memory could be fuzzy.

The resolution to the Clyde chaos seemed too light and unrealistic. I found it hard to believe with Clyde acting the way he did that he would go back and thank anyone. The fate of Lynch’s was very believable, even though I was sad to see it.

I loved Veronica’s character development and I really related to her. Her relationship with Jake built gradually and it was very realistic. I loved the scene where she falls asleep with him while watching horror movies. That is a fantasy of mine.

All in all, very imaginative, cool, and a great comfort book. Can’t wait to see what Fear and Laundry 2 has in store.

I gave this book 3/5 stars on Goodreads.

Christmas Excitement

Hello Readers!

It’s been a while since I last wrote a blog post about myself and love life. The semester finished up and my 4.0 GPA is still in tact! The semester was really rough and the next semester is supposed to be a bit smoother, so I might have time to write more blog posts. Let’s hope!

I hope all of you have a Merry Christmas! I’m so excited about Christmas! Tonight, the love of my life is coming in to come to my family’s Christmas Eve party. Tomorrow, my dad and his girlfriend come in!

Last weekend, my dad came over and I went Christmas shopping with him. He asked me to help him pick out some jewelry for his lady and can you believe he didn’t even know her favorite color! Men! So, I shook my finger at him and said “Tsk, tsk.” But I think I helped him pick out some nice things.

He also told me that he never got me anything yet as well. This is unusual since my daddy is nearly always on the nose about gifts for me. I may look like my mom, but I have my dad’s personality and likes. Last year, my dad got band shirts! Alice Cooper and the Black Crowes! Along with some nice jewelry as well.

But there is one difference about us. I LOVE to read. Daddy doesn’t read. So, when he asked me what I wanted, he bought my new Kindle Paperwhite right in front of me! I can’t have in until tomorrow though.

Before the party, my love said he wanted to do some last minute shopping, so we’re making it a date in the morning. I’m so excited!

In other news, I made a small breakthrough with my acne experiments. I found this inexpensive acne treatment called Acnomel Adult Acne Medication. It works wonders and clears up my cystic acne fast! The only downside is that the only kind of it that is available is tinted and looks like cover up. Lucky for me, it matches my skin tone pretty closely, but it looks funny when it dries. But since it helps so much, that doesn’t matter to me.

Continue reading “Christmas Excitement”

I Hate Acne (Originally Posted January 2, 2014)

I hate acne. I’ve suffered with the ailment since I was 10. My dad tried buying me numerous over the counter products up till my senior year of high school, but to no avail.  The day before my first year of college, my older cousin took me on a shopping spree for a new wardrobe and we also got me some Neutrogena products for my skin. That was when I was 18 and it really cleared my skin. I felt beautiful.

Fast forward to me now, I’m 23. After being convinced to switch to Proactiv and discovering I didn’t like it much, my Nanny (aunt) started selling Mary Kay products and suggested I try them. It worked for a while, but then right before my undergraduate graduation I got this painful, scaly irritation. It went away after I stopped using the product.

I’m on Neutrogena again. It worked for a bit, but now I have a stubborn breakout that won’t go away and some dark marks to boot. I’m already in hot pursuit of a way to remedy these issues, but this twenty something acne is for the birds and I only feel beautiful with make up these days.

My boyfriend says that I’m beautiful without make up, but it’s hard to believe him. When we met in 2012, I had nice skin.