Wishing

everclear

I think it’s kind of funny that you guys gave me a lot more likes on my latest book review than my entry about meeting a bonafide celebrity. I mean I know Everclear hasn’t been mainstream since I was a kid, but still it’s freaking Everclear! This band was huge when I was a kid and their music provided a lot of happy moments for me. As a young adult in college, the music helped me even further by getting me through the hard times that life has to offer. I was shocked I didn’t even get one comment. But hey! I know you guys are busy.

I didn’t write up this entry to scold anyone though. There’s a reason the title is called Wishing. Let’s go back to that entry about me meeting Art Alexakis. I didn’t write down our whole conversation of course, so there is some stuff missing. I mentioned that the album Invisible Stars was totally razor and he naturally said thank you and asked me if I had heard the new album yet. Unfortunately, at this point in time I hadn’t. Well, the day after the show I ordered it. It is called Black is the New Black and it is glorious.

Now, I am a naturally meek person, but I decided to message Art on facebook and tell him how I felt since he had asked me about the album. An hour later, I received a message saying thank you and it was great meeting me. Wow. What a nice guy!

Unfortunately, there was something that had been bugging me since his show. I’m sure for those of you that read the entry, you remember him asking me what my favorite song was. He did this so he could play a song just for me during sound check. But I was just so flustered meeting one of my heroes that I gave the standard radio hit. But in “I Will Buy You A New Life’s” defense, it is a wonderful love song!

I wished I would have told him a certain song off of Invisible Stars and that song is called “Wishing.” So, I messaged him again and explained myself. That song got me through the worst break up of my life and I’m honestly not sure if I will ever be over it. He hasn’t answered and I don’t expect him to. He’s a rockstar! I didn’t expect him to answer the first time! Here’s the song if you want to hear it.

Art also did a recent interview with Spin magazine:

http://www.spin.com/2015/06/everclear-art-alexakis-sparkle-and-fade-interview-summerland/

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A Letter to No One

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Today is the day of my future sister-in-law’s high school graduation. Even though I am very happy and excited for her, I have to put my brave face on and wear a mask of false pretenses. I realize I am escaping to my own blog and various books for my own solace and honesty. But the truth of the matter is that I am quite unhappy.

I look on my facebook and I see my peers that have successfully finished out the semester or have finally obtained that degree and I think to myself, “Are you stupid? Why couldn’t you hack it?” The truth still is that I don’t want to return, but did I have any business being there at all?

What I really want is to get a job and start saving with my fiance for a place and our wedding. But it has been two weeks and I haven’t heard back from any of the many, many applications I have submitted. My fiance got a callback, filled out all the paperwork, and it has been a week and he still hasn’t been called in. However, he is very confident since he has worked for this company before and they were very pleased to have him back. I wish I could have such a nice disposition as he has, but my confidence is waning and I find myself retreating to a darker place.

Even though I have decided to stay with my fiance, I miss my grandmother, father, and dog (who has been put down) terribly. I don’t want to return home because I already changed my address and starting getting my disability services switched over, and I just don’t want to be pressured to go back to school or see the disappointment I may have caused.

But what right do I have to inconvenience these people who have been so kind to me for the past three years? I know they have said that they were happy to have me, but I know I have disrupted my fiance’s family’s lives. I’m dreading when a disability worker starts coming. I’m sure they are not looking forward to a stranger entering their home.

Looking down at my engagement ring is starting to make me sick as I feel like I don’t deserve it. Not his love, kindness, or the same from his family. The only solace I have is in my ever expanding reading list.

Storytime From My Facebook (Originally Posted January 8, 2014)

Last weekend, I was at the mall with my boyfriend. He was looking all sexy in his black pea coat, unfortunately though, he was wearing an ICP shirt. I despise this band.
Anyway, some guy made a whooping noise at him, which he returned. I looked up at my lover confused, “What’s all that about?”
“That’s the ICP call.”

I make a face. “You guys have your own call? What are you, ducks?”

“…”

“I still hate that band.”

“I know.”

“The fans are crazy.”

“I know.”
“But your little call was cute.”

Moral of the Story: When you’re in love, you learn to embrace things and accept them, even things you don’t like. And back off crazy “juggulettes” or however you spell it, he’s mine.

So, Today I Had A Thought….(Orginially Posted July 3, 2013)

 

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Today, I was on facebook and I like a certain page on there called Girls Guide To.  Basically, it’s a page with articles geared towards females. Anyway, today they posted up an article that was a guide to finding the best online dating site for you. It had descriptions of all the most popular sites like OkCupid, POF, Match.com, Chemistry, etc. If any of you read my previous posts, you would know that I actually met my current (and hopefully permanent) partner on OkCupid.

I chose online dating because I unfortunately didn’t have much luck in dating otherwise. I guess when guys are able to find out about the wheelchair up front in a profile, it’s easier because the ones who don’t care are the ones that message me. I think online dating does work. It just doesn’t work for everyone.

As I was reading the article, I realized just how strongly I have no desire to go back to my old profiles. I do pop into OkCupid from time to time to see if they posted our success story yet, but what I mean is I have no desire to look for anyone else. This is a big deal for me because in my previous relationships, when things got bad I knew in my heart that I would probably be happier with somebody else. I also knew my search for a soul mate wasn’t over yet, but I foolishly stayed in these relationships to try and make them work. To no avail, of course.

I can’t picture myself with any other man anymore and the thought of going back into the dating world makes me shudder. My mind, heart, and body are quite content. In fact, when thinking about my old dating profiles my brain responses with a “No thanks, I’m good.  In fact, let’s just marry him already.” One day, brain, one day….

I hope everyone’s brain can tell them this one day. It’s a wonderful feeling knowing that you have someone you are so comfortable and happy with to love.