We burn out in the dark, We are Invisible Stars

I’m taking a break from my Looney June posts to bring you guys a VERY special post. But before I get on that, I have to tell you something. Today is not a good day. I am depressed. Depressed. Depressed. I had an interview today and it went well. The interviewer even registered me for my online training, problem is that the internet is so bad here that I can’t get into the online classroom. I had to email them to cancel everything. I can’t do the stay at home job if my internet is crappy.

I only have one other lead. My best friend used to work with one of the nearby library branches and he put in a good word for me. Not only that but my mentor from grad school also let me list him as a reference. This would be a dream job for me. If this doesn’t work out, I’ll have to bite the bullet and do something I’m a bit iffy about.

I wanted to apply to our local library branch as soon as I moved here. But when I looked up the information I discovered the process is quite grueling. The wannabe employee has to take a test. I don’t mind taking said test, but I couldn’t understand how you’re supposed to register to take it. Not only that, but you’re actual application is also a test. So, any mistakes you may make on it will count against you. It just sort of frightened me.

While the library I have just applied for is just a little bit further out and all they require is an application. But I have to do what I have to do, so if this doesn’t work out, I’ll take the rough application step by step.

Now, we’ll get to what I really want to talk about.

Let’s go back to that best friend I just mentioned. His name is Patrick and he doesn’t really know it, but he has saved my life more times than I can count since I met him as an undergrad. If I actually get this job through him, he can add another one to the list. Maybe he’s my guardian angel or something.

Anyway, Patrick and I are children of the 90s and we both have a VERY deep love of the culture of that decade. Patrick also knows that my two favorite bands are the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Everclear. He even bought me a blue Everclear shirt for Valentines Day.

How much of an Everclear fan am I? Give my blog title an inspection and then listen to this:

I hope you enjoyed that little musical interlude. Patrick decided that this year for my birthday he would purchase us tickets to see Art Alexakis (lead singer of Evercear) play solo. For those that don’t know the band, he writes all the lyrics. Art Alexakis is the mastermind behind the hits “Father of Mine,” “I Will Buy You A New Life,” and “Santa Monica.” Those are just a few of the big ones.

That show took place on June 6, 2015. Patrick, my fiance, and I arrived an hour before the show. At first, we stood outside the door, taking pictures of Art’s poster. Then Patrick went in to see if we could all go in early. When he came back out, he was full of excitement.

“He was a foot away away from me!”

At that point, my heart was pounding in my ears. Would I have a chance to meet the man that got me through so many hang ups and break ups? I couldn’t possibly wrap my head around it.

But when we were allowed in, a man came down the stairs, hobbling in a cast and carrying a cane. This was Art Alexakis and he was touring with a broken leg. Dedication.

My eyes grew wide and I couldn’t breathe. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. That was all I could think. He saw us looking at him and made his way over. I think he smiled at me. Patrick immediately introduced himself, as I was tongue tied. He introduced me as a “superfan.”

Art smiled and shook my hand. “I like your shirt, but the guy on the front needs to cut his hair.”

I laughed. “I really love Everclear! I’ve been a fan ever since I saw the Father of Mine video.” I’m sure all my words came out in a rush.

“How old are you?”

“I’m 25. I just turned 25 last week.”

“God, 25. You were just a baby when that album came out.”

I was 8 years old when So Much For the Afterglow came out.

“Can I take take a picture with you?”

“You most certainly can.”

Art Alexakis knelt down with a broken leg to take a picture with me.

“What’s your favorite song?”

I smiled nervously. “You’ll laugh but my favorite Everclear song is You Make Me Feel Like a Whore.”

He laughed. “Well, Whore is hard to play on acoustic. What else?”

Looking back now, I wish I would have asked him to play Wishing. But I was so nervous, I went for the obvious choice. “Well, everyone loves I Will Buy You A New Life.”

“Well, I’m going to play I Will Buy You a New Life for you during sound check.”

And he did. Just for me.

After the show, everybody was running to see him. I wanted to talk to him again. I was so starstruck the first time and I wanted him to know what his music meant to me. But I couldn’t be a fan hog either. That’s not cool.

However, other fans decided to start moving chairs and the crowd parted for me. I was really amazed I hadn’t started crying. He looked at me again, knelt down, his ear to my face. I could have kissed his cheek.

“Did you enjoy the show?”

“Yes. I wanted to talk to you again. I was so starstruck the first time.”

“That’s okay!”

“I wanted to tell you I love your music. Thank you for that song. My mom walked out on me as a kid.”

He looked pained when I said it. “Was your dad there for you?”

“Yes.”

“That’s all that matters, sweetie. My mom was there for me and that’s all we need.”

We got one last photo.

“Under the Bridge and Over the Rail”

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are my favorite band. In 2012, they came to my state. I had been dating my boyfriend (now fiance) for three months at the time. My dad had bought 4 tickets back in December of 2011. One for me, one for him, one for his girlfriend, and one for the guy I was dating that would dump me 2 weeks later.

Dad agreed to give the ticket that my ex was going to take to the present fiance. Besides, it gave an excuse for my dad to meet the new boyfriend.

The day finally came. The show wouldn’t take place until night fell and I went through the entire day feeling like I was going to explode. I went to my college courses practically bouncing in my wheelchair. Once classes let out after 2 pm, I raced home to shower and change into a pair of ripped jeans, a Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt, Converse sneakers, and my fake lip ring. I had always wanted to get my lip pierced, but I’m chicken. By the time I was done, my love was sitting in my living room and we just had to wait for dad.

It was a long wait to actually get into the arena, but I was smiling the entire time. Dad stood behind me, holding her hand with one hand and my handlebar with the other. My own partner stood next to me holding my hand.

Once we got into the arena, a group of photographers asked us if we wanted to take pictures. The pictures were going to be displayed during the final song, Give It Away. Dad urged my love and I to do it. So we did. I was so excited that my smile was huge and radiant. When the photographer did his job he left me with a comment, “Perfect.” I was confident enough about the photo. My ringlets were styled in a way that made them look attractive in a wild way.

At the souvenir booth, I bought a light blue shirt that had all the guys on it. Blue is my favorite color. I pulled the shirt on over my first shirt. I didn’t care if I got hot.

The crowd exploded with passion when they played “Under the Bridge.” He’s not as big of a fan as me. He prefers metal where I prefer 90s alternative. But he shouted with me. We stood up together as the opening chords floated into the audience. I gripped the rail tightly to hold my balance and he shifted his weight so I could lean on him  We began to sing and I knew I loved him.

What he didn’t know is that I always had a romantic fantasy of attending a concert with a significant other. That fantasy had finally happened and it had happened with my favorite band.

Dreamweaver Memoir Short Story

I didn’t get any comments on my last post on if you guys wanted to see an excerpt of Dreamweaver. But since I got a few likes, I decided why not. So here it is.

I excitedly glided through the hallway of my apartment in Hammond. One hand was on one wheel to stop the momentum, and the other was clutching the DVD remote.

“Krystal! You got the popcorn?”

“Yeah, I’m coming.” Krystal stepped out of the kitchen and joined me in the living room with a giant green bowl of corny goodness and the Netflix rental of Sleepaway Camp I received in the mailbox. She was wearing Mario pajamas for our weekend ritual, movie night.  As she inserted it into the player, I parked my chair and climbed onto the black futon my dad bought when I first moved out for college.

“I love B Horror flicks!” I yelled excitedly as I smoothed down my Beauty and the Beast pajamas from the climb up.

“Me too.”

I scooted over as she joined me on the futon. “You’ll love this one,” I reassured her. “The movie’s crap. Save the ending, it scared the hell outta me!”

Just as the previews started, “Sir Psycho Sexy” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers unexpectedly began to sound. My phone was going off from my side of the futon where I had left it earlier.

“Who could be calling me now?” I picked it up and blinked. I couldn’t believe it. “It’s that Mike guy again.”

He’d been calling and texting ever since the mall. So, I actually let him hang out with me at my apartment. I gave him an extra incense burner I had and we watched the Nightmare Before Christmas (his favorite), A Goofy Movie, and the Rocky Horror Picture Show. We actually hit it off. But I honestly didn’t think he liked me as more than a friend.

You want me to ignore it?”

By this time, Krystal had already paused the movie. She waved her hand at me dismissively. “Nah, go ahead and take it. I can wait.”

I pressed the answer button. “Hello?”

“Hey beautiful.”

I cringed. I barely knew this guy.

“Don’t you think it’s early for that?”

“What? I think you’re beautiful.”

Okay, I give up. “Well, thank you.” I hear rowdy voices in the background. “What you up to?”

“Oh, I’m just sitting in the movie theater. Me and my friends are waiting for the Dark Knight Rises to start.”

“Well, why are you calling me?”

“I was just thinking about you…” His voice trailed off.

I am honestly floored by this. In my experience with males, this was unheard of. Thinking about me while out with the boys? I was always the girlfriend that was ignored by the boyfriend. I had to admit it. This was nice.

“I’ve already seen it with my dad. We were kind of disappointed. But you might enjoy it.”

“Miranda…” His voice sounded a bit nervous.

“Yes?”

“Would you….would you like to have dinner some time?”

“Oh, I like to have dinner every night.”

“Did you just quote Wayne’s World 2?

“I did.”

“No way!”

“Way! I love 90s Mike Meyers movies. My dad introduced me to Austin Powers when it came out. I’m a huge fan.”

“Excellent! So, how about dinner? We’ll go wherever you want.”

“No.”

He put on a fake British accent. “Ouch, baby, very ouch.”

I giggled. “But you can pick me up for lunch and we can hang out longer.”

“Groovy baby, yeah!”

I kept my Wayne’s World dialogue going. “Excellent! Party on!”

He laughed and turned the Austin Powers charm back on. “Well baby, it’s been groovy, but I’d better go.”

“Ok, bye.”

Before I hung up, I heard him talking to his friends. “Hey guys, if Miranda was a president, she’d be Baberham Lincoln!”

There was a chorus of laughter.

I smiled as I hit ‘end call.’

Awkward (Orginally Posted July 10, 2013)

Awkward

A short piece I wrote about my boyfriend earlier this year.

Awkward

I could tell you the exact moment I knew he was my soul mate.  You would think that when you realize a momentous thing like that, you would be doing something important or exciting.  Nope.  I was just sitting.

            You may assume that since that was the case, it was a calm, reflective moment.  You would be wrong again.  My face was on fire and was probably the same shade as a tomato.  My heart wouldn’t slow down no matter how much I tried to inwardly collect myself.  What was he doing to make me come to this inevitable realization?  He was staring at me.

            I hate being the center of attention, of any type of attention.  My older cousin once triple wrapped my presents for Christmas, which resulted in everyone having to watch me unwrap much longer than anyone else.  Needless to say, I was flustered the whole time.  But I digress.

            Going back to my life-changing moment, he was kneeling in front of the couch I was sitting on.  He was holding my hands and his dark eyes were staring relentlessly into my identical looking ones.  I knew from the look in his eyes that he was thinking the same thing.

 There was no one else in the house, just us.  The silence only added to my growing anxiety.  I was conflicted.  Part of me was basking in the attention of the man I’d grown to love in the past several months, but I think the part that hated attention was winning.

            He suddenly licked his lips and was about to open his mouth to say something, but an overwhelming desire overtook me and I jumped up from my seat.

            “I want coffee! Do you want coffee?”

            Yep, that part had won.

            He had a confused ‘deer in the headlights’ look as he blinked.  It was obvious that he was surprised that I had broken our physical and emotional moment.  But he still managed to remove himself from the floor and follow me into the kitchen.

            “Yeah, sure, coffee sounds good.”

            I turned the radio on and found my favorite station once we were seated with our mugs.  I let out a squeal as ‘Soul to Squeeze’ started to play from the speakers.

  “I love the Red Hot Chili Peppers.”

            He chuckled as he lit a cigarette to go with his coffee.  “I know.”  A smile formed on his face as he stared at me intently once again.

            The familiar warmness covered my cheeks as I started down into my mug and smiled. 

            “I know too.”

            I’m sure to this day he knew I wasn’t talking about the band.

Fate? (Originally Posted June 1, 2013)

On June 1, 2012, exactly one year ago today, a small event happened that made a change for the better in my life. I had just finished going through all that stress from a bad semester and the illnesses that plagued me because of it. I was looking forward to a couple of things.

My dad and I both sharing a love for Alice Cooper, he managed to snag three tickets for us and his girlfriend at the Hard Rock. I was thrilled for it, but that came later in the month. June 1, 2012, was a Friday, and I was preparing to go spend a weekend with dad. I was looking forward to the trip since dad had promised the three of us would go play Bingo. It might sound lame but playing bingo with dad and his girl is very entertaining.

Dad had also purchased tickets to see my favorite band later in the year.  My favorite band is the Red Hot Chili Peppers. But that’s a story for another time.

Anyway, I couldn’t go to dad’s right away because my grandmother had to bring me and she was out running errands and would bring me when she got back.  I was all packed up and ready so I was passing the time by watching Season One of Dawson’s Creek.  I was already half way through the season, so once I got to the last episode and Gram had not returned, I had to entertain myself with something else.

Being the huge connoisseur of 90s culture, that I am, I decided to look up some alternative songs I didn’t have to put on my ipod. In the middle of that, I checked my email to find that I had a new message waiting for me on the dating site, OkCupid. So I logged in and read it.

It was a short message.  It told me his name, that I seemed interesting, and that he would like to get to know me.  It was short, but not “hey baby, you’re hot.  Text me.”  So I answered. We exchanged numbers when I got back home and the rest is history.

It took a bit of convincing on his part to get me to take the leap into a relationship. That just showed how much he wanted it.  I love you darling. ^-^